


The Spider and The Hare

by Infestation



Category: Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Gen, Giant Spiders, Making people jealous for shits and giggles, My oc is a spider demon so, Tailoring, flirting on the job
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 10:46:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12746775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infestation/pseuds/Infestation
Summary: Taylor pasted on a quick, professional smile, “Gentlemen, I’m Taylor S. Charlotte, of Taylor Tailor. I’m here at the request of a Miss White?”***A giant spider demon measures a villainous white rabbit for a new waistcoat. There are jealous twins.





	The Spider and The Hare

**Author's Note:**

> Another piece of self-indulgent oc fiction, this time in the land of Batman.  
> The Tailor/Taylor S. Charlotte is mine, the White Rabbit/Miss Caroline White belongs to https://fabas-waifu.tumblr.com/ and Minn and Max are from Batman The Animated Series!

In a middle class suburb on the outskirts of Gotham, a black car pulled up to a nondescript house. The house was nicely kept, lawn trimmed and flowers pruned, car in the driveway freshly washed. It looked like a nice, cozy home for a nice, friendly family. 

It was not.

Taylor stared at it a moment longer, before shaking his head and putting the old Fleetwood in park. He stepped out onto the peaceful street, checked the house number a final time, then grabbed his work bag from the back seat. He locked the doors out of habit, but doubted anyone would try breaking into his car. Not in a nice neighbourhood like this.

He brushed off his slacks, straightened his bowtie, and walked up to the front door. Catching his reflection in a front window, he slicked back the short black hairs that had escaped the gel holding them in place, then pressed the doorbell. 

It chimed merrily, followed by an indistinct male voice and approaching footsteps. The curtains in the windows bordering the door fluttered, and Taylor gave a polite smile to the dark shapes beyond them, adjusting his glasses to better see. It took a long moment before the door was unlocked.

He must have passed inspection, as the door opened on a pair of grinning faces - twins, ginger, vaguely familiar.

Taylor pasted on a quick, professional smile, “Gentlemen, I’m Taylor S. Charlotte, of Taylor Tailor. I’m here at the request of a Miss White?” He held out a pair of business cards, one for each twin, and continued to smile blandly while they examined them. They were simple white cards, just a business name, address and phone number, with a stylized spider logo beneath. The back showed the hours and slogan “Suits, costumes, and apparel for all shapes and sizes!”

The twins exchanged a look, shrugged, and let Taylor into the front hall. The inside was much like the outside, though the nature of the home owner was more apparent.

He was lead into the living room, one twin offered him a seat while the other fetched his prospective client.

“Max will bring Miss White out in a sec. We got some questions for you, first.” He gestured at the chair, “Sit, and let’s chat.”

Taylor nodded politely, set the heavy leather bag of supplies at his feet, and remained standing. The remaining twin, which must have been Minn, gave him a hard shove, forcing him into the recliner behind him.

“I said, Sit.”

Honestly. You can take the thug out of the gang, but the gang will always remain in the thug.

Though Taylor gave him a slightly sour look, he made himself more comfortable, ankles crossed and hands in his lap, and watched the former Two-Face minion take a seat on the nearby couch. 

And thus began the usual intimidation. It always went the same way – don’t insult the boss, don’t make the boss mad, don’t try to kill the boss – blah blah blah. Honestly, Taylor was a professional, and once you’ve been threatened more than half a dozen times by the guards of mobsters and politicians alike, it all got a little tedious. 

“-and don’t touch her hair, or me an’ Max will string you up by your ears, got it?” 

The ginger was apparently done, and Taylor nodded amicably. “Of course. I will be nothing but completely professional with Miss White,” He glanced at the nearby doorway, and raised an eyebrow, “I assume she’ll be joining us shortly?”

There was an amused huff, and the woman entered the room, arms crossed and smiling reluctantly. Shoulder-length hair, somewhat petite build, likely stronger than she looked. Despite her status as a wanted criminal, she wore a pale yellow sun dress and delicate jewellery. She looked like a simple housewife.

She gave him a shrug and rueful smile as if to say “Minions, what can you do?” and sat next to Minn on the couch. Max took the remaining cushion, like a bookend to his identical twin. “Welcome to our home. Sorry for the wait.”

Oh, so not just their boss, then.

Taylor smiled again, sharp white teeth just visible with his amusement. “Not at all, Miss White.”  
He’d heard rumours, of course. A large portion of his clientele were underlings to one villain or another, and everyone knew that lot gossiped like old ladies during the long hours spent in Arkham. The “White Rabbit” wasn’t quite the same caliber of menace as the likes of the Riddler, or even that of the similarly Wonderland-themed Mad Hatter, but she was going up in the world. Her and “her boys.” 

But rumours had nothing on the comfortable way the trio snuggled together on their couch. Far too familiar with each other to be anything less than lovers. 

But back to business.

Taylor brought out a notebook and gave the room a quick look over, “I understand you’ve been putting your own wardrobe together until now, but were hoping to refine your, ah, “official” look..?” 

“Yeah, going out and buying new clothes when they get ruined is starting to be a pain.” She gestured at a stack of clothes that had been sitting on the coffee table, unnoticed. 

Taylor picked up a pair of pantaloons, stained heavily with blood. A dress shirt with telltale burns along the sleeves. Fishnet tights that had been reduced to loose strings. An oversized waistcoat full of slashes. And none of it tailored to fit.

It wasn’t uncommon for small time crooks to find a “theme” and upgrade to “rogue’s gallery” once they’d become more established in Gotham’s underworld. Caroline White had the benefit of already being known as the White Rabbit, so forging her own path as an independent villainess was that much easier. Snatching up the former Two-Face lackeys Minn and Max, both experienced in the ways of murder and mayhem, likely made it that much easier.

That she’d been wearing mass-produced machine made clothes for so long was a travesty.

After a few standard questions – Are you allergic to any fabrics or fabric-processing elements, do you have any injuries or weapons on you I should be aware of, etcetera – Taylor moved on to the more… personal ones. 

He gave the woman a polite “just doing my job” smile, pen scratching over paper, “Please forgive my frankness, but do you have any non-human anatomy I should be aware of, besides the ears?”

The villain gave the tailor a narrow look. “And what is that supposed to mean?” Her tone was cold, arms crossed, the men on either side of her tensing as though to make any wrong answers very painful.

Oh honestly, did you make an appointment without doing any research first?

It was hardly the first time this had happened. So, with a sigh, Taylor slumped forward and let his body… relax a little bit.  
The glamours on his face faded first, revealing a handful of glittering red, unblinking spider eyes clustered across his forehead and temples. Chelicerae bracketed his human-looking mouth, fang-like and twitching in irritation. White stripes peppered his black hair, rendering it a sooty grey.

After that came the legs. Long white and black striped spider legs curled around his back and arched over his shoulders, hooked claws on the end of each. They waved in the air lazily for a moment, then mostly settled while one reached around to adjust his glasses.

The tailor sighed again, “As it so happens, I myself am not entirely human.” He gave the trio a flat look, adjusting his cuffs to accommodate his lengthened arms, “And as such, my clothes are designed to fit all body types.” He sat back in the recliner he’d been shoved into earlier, spidery anatomy vanishing, “As such, I need to know if there’s any other features that need to be taken into account,” His features softened into in a mild glare, “I was not implying you were anything less than human.”

Caroline was the first to recover, clearing her throat and putting on a reluctantly apologetic look, “Right. Sorry for getting… Well, sorry.” She clearly wasn’t used to being shown she was in the wrong, and Taylor accepted the apology with a polite smile.

The trio relaxed and the questions continued uninterrupted. The strained air faded slowly, but had passed by the time Taylor finished his questions and suggested they move on to the next stage.

“If you would stand in the centre of the room Miss White, I’ll get your measurements,” the tailor opened his bag, drawing out a measuring tape and turning to a new page in his notebook. He held a pencil in his other hand, poised and at the ready.

Caroline stood as instructed, and was soon having every inch of her body measured. The measuring tape wrapped around shoulders and wrists, throat and ankles, hips, waist, bust. The whole while, Taylor made notes and commented on the parts he measured.

It was strangely intimate, after their misunderstanding only minutes past.

Fingers danced over her collar bones, lifting her hair out of the way, “You have such a lovely, slender throat… It would be a shame to not accentuate it with a collar or ribbon…” A pair of hands lifted one of her arms and bent it at the elbow, measuring how the muscles contracted and relaxed. “You’re stronger than I first though~! Look at that bicep, just perfect!” A leg was lifted and held aloft while it’s foot had it’s sock removed to be measured, fingers careful to not tickle the exposed underside, “You have lovely arches you know, we’ll have to add a pair of shoes that will keep them in fine shape..!” 

He had to tug up her skirt to properly measure her thighs and calves, and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back – a large hand grabbed Taylor by the back of his jacket and yanked him from the kneeling position he’d been in. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing to our Miss White?!”

My, that took longer than expected~!

Taylor laughed lightly and raised one of his hands, showing off the delicate gold band on his ring finger, “Relax, I’m already married. Your Miss White has nothing to fear from me.” 

“Let him go, guys. He’s the best in town, even if he is a flirt.” Caroline gave him a suspicious look, and Taylor smiled back apologetically. 

He was silently released, and the twins took up vigil on either side of their woman, “No more funny business,” one growled, while the other snarled, “Try anything and you’ll be leaving in a body bag.”  
Taylor gave them both polite nods, and refrained from reminding them he was a spider demon who would be nearly impossible to kill. 

Some people took that as a challenge, after all.

“Funny business” or not, he still had to do a few final measurements. He limited his touch as much as possible, maintained a more professional distance, and kept his commentary restricted to his notes. It only took a moment to finish up, and he began rolling his tape measure while writing a few final thoughts.

“Well, Miss White, this has been a productive first visit!” Taylor dropped his tools back in their compartments in his bag, professionally distant smile back in place. This would be the first indicator of whether she would be an acceptable client, and it was best not to let the trio know they were being tested, “I’ll call you back with my first drafts of your new outfit in approximately a week, and we can set up a visit to my shop in The Narrows in –“

“The Narrows?” One of the twins yelped and gave him an incredulous look, jaw hanging, while the other blurted out a half-insulted, “You charged us how much for this visit, and you work out of The Narrows?!”

Taylor adjusted his glasses and smiled, “The rent is cheap.” 

Before the two could work up a proper fuss, Caroline laughed, “Sure is!” She gave her boys a reassuring pat on a shoulder each, and they settled down, “Okay, we’ll be waiting for your call.”

Unlike when he first arrived, it was Caroline who saw the tailor out.

She stopped him at the door, “So… How many fat cats and cowards do you weed out like that?”

Taylor gave the villain a wicked grin, “Almost half refuse to talk to me again.”

The White Rabbit laughed again, and waved him out, “But you still get paid for that first visit, of course.”

The spider’s grin stretched wider, and he gave her a playful bow, “But of course~!” He straightened up with a snap, adjusted his jacket, and all but skipped back to his car. He called over his shoulder, “Expect my call, Miss White! I cannot wait to show you what I have in mind!”

**Author's Note:**

> And that's all I've written.
> 
> (Please note there was supposed to be italics and underlining at some points, but apparently that doesn't carry over between Word and Ao3... Oh well...)


End file.
